


if you want me, let me know

by rain_at_dawn



Series: stars, scattered [26]
Category: SHINee
Genre: Apologies, Arguing, Band Fic, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Long Distance Pining, M/M, Phone Calls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:13:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28816155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rain_at_dawn/pseuds/rain_at_dawn
Summary: 15. things you said with too many miles between us
Relationships: Choi Minho/Kim Kibum | Key
Series: stars, scattered [26]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1608877
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	if you want me, let me know

**Author's Note:**

> Prompted by @IDreamofSHINee on Twitter

“Leave a message after the beep…”

Kibum immediately hangs up. This is his second attempt and he only has a scramble of words to go on. It’s also late enough to excuse his faltering mental capacity to form a coherent sentence. The electric light above him is far too harsh on his nerves; perhaps he should have turned it off to build up his courage.

Minho is twelve hours behind him in Vancouver. The last update Kibum’s had of him is an Insta post: it’s a picture taken in someone’s garden, Minho’s beaming face framed by soft clouds of white baby’s breath and violet asters. There’s a kind of joy in his eyes in that moment that makes Kibum’s heart ache; it’s a look he would’ve loved to earn when he’d had the chance.

There’s a photo of both of them somewhere on a SD card, in which both of them are smiling. It was easier to think of their relationship in binary terms when he had to pick up the pieces alone: times in which they were happy and then the times they weren’t, and which outweighed the other. In the hours Kibum has had to himself, he’d had to look at the time in-between too.

He'd stopped wanting to fight when it was too late and Minho was already out the door, thousands of miles away. A part of him misses even those, if only because of Minho’s proximity to him. Another part of him would even contend with a shadow that occasionally crossed paths, if that meant Minho was just a bit closer. Sometimes, he even dreams of it. 

_I’m sorry_ , he tries to say to Minho’s smile onscreen, instead of to himself. _I’m sorry._

Each time, it drops like a stone. It feels cold and hard, which isn’t at all what he intends it to be. The longer Kibum stares at Minho, sunny and happy and entirely too far away, the more he considers that it’s time to begin with a different approach.

_I miss you._

_I need you._

A part of him just feels pathetic now. In the background of his home, there’s a BoA album playing; her third one, it suddenly registers in his mind. He’d been staring at Minho’s pictures for hours, allowing Melon to shuffle through his favorite playlists. There’d been a time when Minho would have been all too happy to let Kibum go off on long-winded tangents on his favorite b-sides on _Atlantis Princess_ , even as dinner burnt on the nearby stove.

Kibum swipes downwards; the next photo has Minho up in a tree, grinning down at him. It’s the same grin he’s chased down on a beach in Okinawa and a street in Bangkok; a grin that deserves its own constellations and milky way, something to revolve around it. For a while, Kibum realizes that that ‘something’ was him, and it still is.

This time, he tries spelling it out in a message: _I’m sorry._

It reads even worse than it sounds in his head.

Maybe it’s best that he waits for Minho’s return to show up on his doorstep, repentant. It would probably allow enough time for Minho to have cooled down too.

He erases the message.

_I want to talk to you_ , he tries again. _Whenever you’re ready._

What if Minho decided he wasn’t? Or would never be? What if he really was sick of Kibum’s shit this time and it would only be a matter of a few weeks before he decided he was finally done with Kibum too? 

The more fanciful part of his brain still tries to come up with the right words; it was more difficult than coming up with lyrics to fit into a new song. There was nothing melodic about ripping out his own heart and baring it – bereft of pride – in a few sparse sentences. Kibum knows he can be productive if he sets his mind to it; he just has to get past the hurt.

_Minho. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It was wrong. And a lie. I should’ve known better than to be so immature after all these years that you’ve been by my side. I’m not just saying all this because I miss you._

_But I do miss you. Not just the way I feel when I’m with you._

_I miss YOU._

_You can take all the time you need to answer. Or not at all. You look like you’re having fun. As you should._

_I just wanted to let you know._

His finger slips over the virtual keypad as the phone starts to vibrate. An incoming call from Minho hovers at the forefront of his notifications and his heart races as he swipes to answer.

“Hey?”

“You’re still awake.” Minho sounds amused. Or tired. Kibum can’t tell from when they’re this far apart. “What’s wrong?”

Kibum suddenly wants to laugh. Or cry. Both reactions seem appropriate. “Nothing. Everything.”

“Are you still thinking about what I said?”

“… More like about what _I_ said.”

“Oh.”

There’s a pause which Kibum can’t read at all, followed by a slight brush of static in his ear when Minho sighs, “I guess we’re both idiots.”

Kibum lets out the breath he’s been holding, relieved that there’s no one else around who cares to see the big, goofy grin that spreads across his face. “Excuse me, you’re the one who took off to the other side of the world.”

“Yeah, well, I wanted a change of scene. It’s not like you haven’t done it before either.”

“The last time I was really mad at you, I went down the block to the convenience store. And ended up getting ice-cream. For you.”

“Yeah, well…” Minho stalls, unsure; and perhaps, a little embarrassed. “I got you something this time. But you have to wait until I get back to find out what it is.”

Kibum almost chokes on his laughter. “I’m not throwing you a ‘welcome back’ party, so don’t get your hopes too high.”

As Minho begins to protest, Kibum quietly deletes everything he’d typed out. He would still have his apology waiting for Minho, in person, as soon as he rang his doorbell. It would be perfectly spelled out in simple touches and sealed with a kiss. Exactly how they always ended up.


End file.
